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PIERS MORGAN: Put your gloating champagne away, Princess Pinocchio


‘If you tell the truth,’ Mark Twain once observed, ‘you don’t have to remember anything.’

I thought of this incontrovertible truism today when news broke that Meghan Markle had ‘won’ her privacy court battle with the Mail on Sunday.

Her victory response was issued within seconds, on regal notepaper adorned with a gold ‘M’ under a golden crown, and headlined: ‘Statement from Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex.’

You might think this a curiously regal way of doing things for a woman who spends her entire time trashing the Monarchy and smearing the Royal Family for being disgusting callous racists.

Just as you might be amused to see Ms Markle position herself as the victim of painful lies given how much pain she’s caused with her own alleged whoppers.

And by her claim to be representing ‘anyone who has ever felt scared to stand up for what’s right’ like she’s some kind of latter-day Winston Churchill rallying a nation in wartime, rather than an unemployed actress fleecing her unelected marital royal status for gazillions from her California mansion.

Let’s be very clear about exactly what Meghan ‘won’ today.

The Court of Appeal decided the Mail on Sunday was not entitled to publish quite as much of her letter to her estranged father Thomas Markle as the newspaper did.

Had they run less of it, the judges said, the Mail would have been OK.

So, she won on a point about precisely how many of her words were permissible to be reported, assuming the letter was indeed private, surely an issue for trial. 

(To be precise, 585 words from a 1,250-word letter was deemed too much.)

But while Meghan didn’t formally authorize her dad to publish her letter, she expected that he might.

We know that from messages and emails revealed in court that painted a very different picture of Meghan, the self-appointed Patron Saint of Privacy and Veracity.

‘If you tell the truth,’ Mark Twain once observed, ‘you don’t have to remember anything.’ I thought of this incontrovertible truism today when news broke that Meghan Markle had ‘won’ her privacy court battle with the Mail on Sunday

Meghan's victory response was issued within seconds, on regal notepaper adorned with a gold 'M' under a golden crown, and headlined: 'Statement from Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex.' You might think this a curiously regal way of doing things for a woman who spends her entire time trashing the Monarchy and smearing the Royal Family for being disgusting callous racists

Meghan’s victory response was issued within seconds, on regal notepaper adorned with a gold ‘M’ under a golden crown, and headlined: ‘Statement from Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex.’ You might think this a curiously regal way of doing things for a woman who spends her entire time trashing the Monarchy and smearing the Royal Family for being disgusting callous racists 

‘Obviously everything I have drafted is with the understanding that it could be leaked,’ she texted Jason Knauf, then her communications secretary, ‘so I have been meticulous in my word choice, but please do let me know if anything stands out for you as a liability.’

Indeed, she was so convinced the letter might be published that she even deliberately used certain words to manipulate the public’s emotions when they read it.

Knauf told the court: ‘She also asked a specific question regarding addressing Mr Markle as ‘daddy’ in the letter, saying ‘given I’ve only ever called him daddy it may make sense to open as such (despite him being less than paternal), and in the unfortunate event that it leaked it would pull at the heart-strings’.’

Wow.

I regret to say that when I read that ruthlessly cynical little gem, my heart-strings remained resolutely unmoved but a small piece of repulsed intestinal fluid spat out of my mouth.

And it’s worth returning to Meghan’s victory statement again here, to the bit where she says: ‘From day one, I have treated this lawsuit as an important measure of right versus wrong.’

Meghan then whacks the tabloids for being ‘cruel’ and profiting from ‘lies and the pain they create’ and specifically, she states, their desire to ‘twist facts and manipulate the public.’

All of which might carry more weight if she hadn’t revealed herself by her own actions to be a cruel manipulator prepared to exploit her own ‘daddy’ to ‘pull at the heart-strings.’

As for twisting facts and profiting from lies and the pain they create, Meghan should know all about after her Oprah fib-athon which contained myriad demonstrable falsehoods designed to cause maximum damage to the Royal Family

As for twisting facts and profiting from lies and the pain they create, Meghan should know all about after her Oprah fib-athon which contained myriad demonstrable falsehoods designed to cause maximum damage to the Royal Family

And it’s worth returning to Meghan’s victory statement again here, to the bit where she says: ‘From day one, I have treated this lawsuit as an important measure of right versus wrong.’ Meghan then whacks the tabloids for being ‘cruel’ and profiting from ‘lies and the pain they create’ and specifically, she states, their desire to ‘twist facts and manipulate the public

As for twisting facts and profiting from lies and the pain they create, Meghan should know all about that after her Oprah fib-athon, which contained myriad demonstrable falsehoods designed to cause maximum damage to the Royal Family.

And this court case cemented her uncomfortable relationship with the truth thanks to an explosive bombshell that made a mockery of her repeated claim to have had no involvement in the biography ‘Finding Freedom’ about her and Harry.

Their spokesman said at the time it was published: ‘The Duke and Duchess of Sussex did not contribute to Finding Freedom. This book is based on the authors’ own experiences as members of the royal press corps and their own independent reporting.’

In fact, as we all suspected, this was disingenuous claptrap.

Jason Knauf revealed to the court the book was ‘discussed on a routine basis’ and ‘discussed directly with the duchess multiple times in person and over email.’

She even provided him with a list of ‘background reminders’ on her life story ahead of his two-hour meeting with the book’s authors.

But she and her husband were very keen the public and media never discovered their involvement.

The former aide said Prince Harry told him: ‘I totally agree that we have to be able to say we didn’t have anything to do with it.’

This is the same Harry now leading a global campaign against ‘disinformation’.

It’s beyond parody!

Knauf’s shocking witness statement forced Meghan to apologise to the court.

‘I accept that Mr Knauf did provide some information to the authors for the book,’ she admitted, ‘and that he did so with my knowledge, for a meeting that he planned for with the authors in his capacity as communications secretary. When I approved the passage… I did not have the benefit of seeing these emails and I apologize to the court for the fact that I had not remembered these exchanges at the time. I had absolutely no wish or intention to mislead the defendant or the court.’

Oh pur-lease.

This is right up there with Bill Clinton’s ‘I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky’ on the Richter scale of rhetorical bullsh*t.

One thing all Meghan Markle’s friends (the ones she hasn’t culled on her steep climb up the social ladder) say about her is that she has an amazing memory and attention to detail.

Yet we’re supposed to believe she couldn’t remember extensively co-operating with a book written specifically to promote her and Harry’s version of the truth, that was published just last year?

The Court of Appeal said it had noted the duchess’s apology, and concluded, ‘this was, at best, an unfortunate lapse of memory on her part.’ 

As with her proud use of a royal title bestowed by an institution that she constantly damages, Meghan Markle wants to have her cake and eat it. But if I were her, I'd stick the celebratory champagne back in the fridge today. Thanks to this court case, we've now seen what the real Meghan looks like, fork tongue and all

As with her proud use of a royal title bestowed by an institution that she constantly damages, Meghan Markle wants to have her cake and eat it. But if I were her, I’d stick the celebratory champagne back in the fridge today. Thanks to this court case, we’ve now seen what the real Meghan looks like, fork tongue and all

But the court of public opinion was far less carefully-worded in its withering social media verdict on Princess Pinocchio’s literary amnesia.

Meghan’s brazen fibs about the book confirmed what people like me have been saying about her for a while.

As I said on that fateful episode of Good Morning Britain after watching the Oprah interview, I wouldn’t trust her if she read a weather report.

And of course, the massive irony is that she vehemently denied a story the tabloids repeatedly reported, and the tabloids turned out to be right.

Just as the tabloids have been proven right over numerous other stories about Meghan that we were assured were untrue, to her unpleasant treatment and the resignations of palace staff which is now the subject of a full formal investigation.

In fact, it’s many Meghan’s own allegations like her ludicrous claim to Oprah that her son Archie isn’t a prince because of his skin colour, that were nonsense.

She can claim ‘victory’ all she likes after this court case, but all it really did was expose her real character to the world and the cold, hard two-faced reality at the heart of Meghan and Harry’s attitude to privacy.

As we’ve seen with stunning regularity since they quit Britain supposedly for the quiet life in America, they’re quite happy to cash out their privacy for millions of dollars to the likes of Spotify, Netflix or Oprah Winfrey.

They just want to reserve their right to be feign outrage when others seek to commercialise their privacy without paying them.

As for the media, they’ve made it very clear they want to control the media and stop beastly journalists from writing stuff they don’t like.

That’s why they co-operate with drooling sycophants like that odious little weasel Omid Scobie, one of Finding Freedom’s authors, but sue everyone else that dares to raise even a questionable eyebrow at their constant hypocrisy.

As with her proud use of a royal title bestowed by an institution that she constantly damages, Meghan Markle wants to have her cake and eat it.

But if I were her, I’d stick the celebratory champagne back in the fridge today.

Thanks to this court case, we’ve now seen what the real Meghan looks like, fork tongue and all.

It’s not a pretty sight.    



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