Kerry Katona has reflected on how her failed marriages have left her terrified of her upcoming wedding to fiancé Ryan Mahoney, 32.
The star, 40, who has been divorced three times and announced her fourth engagement last year, admitted that she felt ‘sick’ at the thought of walking down the aisle with Ryan and sometimes hopes the nuptials will be cancelled.
Speaking exclusively to MailOnline about her exes, she said: ‘My first husband left me for somebody else. My second one was my drug dealer. And my third one beat the s**t out of me. So, yeah there is massive anxiety – they all failed.’
Putting her nerves aside however, Kerry is recruiting the assistance of Gok Wan to find her perfect wedding dress as she is set to appear on TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress Lancashire to ensure she feels like a princess on her big day.
Big day: Kerry Katona, 40, revealed on Wednesday that she felt ‘sick’ at the thought of walking down the aisle for her fourth wedding (pictured on Say Yes to the Dress Lancashire)
Kerry was married to Brian McFadden from 2002 to 2006, Mark Croft from 2007 to 2011 and the late George Kay from 2014 to 2017 and is now engaged to Ryan after they met on a dating app.
Westlife star Brian was famously unfaithful to the star while Mark was around throughout Kerry’s cocaine addiction. In 2015, he admitted to running a £50,000 cannabis farm from his loft to pay off his drug debts.
Her relationship with George was fraught with woes prior to his 2019 drug overdose.
She quickly added of her husband-to-be: ‘Not that Ryan is anything remotely like any three of them put together. Not an ounce of any of them. But you just start to think “it must be me”‘
Cute couple: The star, who was previously married to Brian McFadden, Mark Croft, George Kay is now engaged to Ryan Mahoney, 32 (pictured) after they met on a dating app
‘I hope it gets cancelled’: The confession comes as Kerry reflected on filming her upcoming episode of Say Yes to the Dress Lancashire where she nervously picked a gown with Gok Wan
On her wedding to Ryan, she said: ‘I kept thinking “I hope it gets cancelled. I hope it gets cancelled.” Honestly, I had this massive fear…it made me feel sick…
‘It turned my stomach thinking about a wedding and walking down the aisle in front of all of those people again. I thought, no. I can’t think of anything worse.’
Of her anxiety, Kerry explained: ‘There’s aspects of… failure… And being unloved. All I ever wanted was to be was loved. And I went about it all the wrong way.’
The Atomic Kitten star continued: ‘Being a child, even from a really young age, I just wanted to be loved and that emotion of being abandoned and rejected…
‘When Brian [Mcfadden] left me it was like my mum giving me up all over again. It’s that kind of rejection.’
‘My first husband left me for somebody else,’ Kerry admitted she has ‘huge anxiety’ over tying the knot again because her past marriages ‘all failed’ (pictured with Brian McFadden)
That was then: Kerry was married to Mark Croft from 2007 to 2011 (pictured in 2008)
Back then: Her relationship with George Kay – who died in 2019 -was fraught with problems prior to his drug overdose in 2019 (pictured in 2015)
Of motherhood, Kerry revealed: ‘For me… the only thing I ever ever needed was my own children’s love.
‘But I kept trying to force a man into their lives thinking that they needed a father figure – and all they needed was me. That took me a long time to realise.’
Kerry is mother to daughters Molly and Lilly-Sue with singer Brian. She shares children Heidi, 13, and Max, 12, with former husband Mark Croft, and son Dylan-Jorge, six, with her late ex George Kay.
‘It must be me’: The former Atomic Kitten star revealed that her future husband (pictured) is completely different to past relationships but that she now worries she’s the problem
‘The only thing I ever ever needed was my own children’s love’: Kerry is mother to Molly, 19, Lilly-Sue, 18, , Heidi, 13, Maxwell, 12, and Dylan-Jorge, six, (pictured in 2020)
Distinguishing her current relationship from her past entanglements, Kerry admits she has overcome co-dependent tendencies.
The TV personality said: ‘The difference with me and Ryan is, I’m the one who relies on me for my happiness. I have to be.
‘Ryan enhances it. Ryan adds to it. You need someone that doesn’t take away from it. That’s exactly what I have.
‘He’s got such a long fuse, he’s so laidback, so kind and such a gentle soul… . It was a real slow burner for me and he’s turned into being my best friend.’
Kerry and Ryan got engaged last August after he asked her children for their permission to pop the question.
‘I kept thinking that they needed a father figure and all they needed was me’: Kerry admitted she previously married for the wrong reasons (pictured with Lillie-Sue)
With no concrete plans for her fourth trip down the aisle, Kerry plans to marry Ryan as soon as they can ‘hop on a plane’ to Las Vegas because it’s ‘quick and easy’.
The star explained: ‘I want a marriage not a wedding and in my eyes I’m not having a wedding because I’m just going to Vegas.
‘When we can go, we’ll hop on a plane and pop off but there’s nothing in place. No date, no nothing.’
She gushed: ‘I’m looking forward to skipping the wedding but having that eternal ever-lasting love.’
Kerry reflected on filming her episode of Say Yes to the Dress Lancashire where she nervously picked her gown for the big day alongside Gok and admitted she was delighted with how things turned out in the store.
Say Yes to the Dress Lancashire airs on Fridays from 30 July, 8pm on TLC and available to stream on discovery+
‘I’m looking forward to skipping the wedding but having that eternal ever-lasting love’: Kerry plans to marry Ryan as soon as they can ‘hop on a plane’ to Vegas