Cara Delevingne says she became suicidal while struggling with her sexuality


Cara Delevingne has admitted she became suicidal as she struggled to come to terms with her sexuality.

The model, 28, who identifies as pansexual, said she grew up feeling ‘disgusted’ by the idea of having a same-sex partner, and ‘still wishes’ she could be straight.

Cara, who has dated stars including St Vincent and Ashley Benson, also said she correlates the ‘massive depression‘ she suffered with her struggles to accept her sexuality, which she described as ‘constantly changing’ 

Candid: Cara Delevingne, 28, has admitted she became suicidal as she struggled to come to terms with her sexuality

Speaking to Gwyneth Paltrow on her Goop podcast, Cara confessed her conservative upbringing contributed to her being ‘quite homophobic’ in her youth.

She said: ‘I grew up in an old fashioned household. I didn’t know anyone who was gay.

‘I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I was quite not noticeably, I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic.

‘The idea of being same sex [partners], I was disgusted by that, in myself. I was like, ”Oh my God, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh”.

Open: The model said she grew up feeling 'disgusted' by the idea of having a same-sex partner, and 'still wishes' she could be straight (pictured with ex Ashley Benson)

Open: The model said she grew up feeling ‘disgusted’ by the idea of having a same-sex partner, and ‘still wishes’ she could be straight (pictured with ex Ashley Benson)

Cara added: ‘I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.’

The model currently identifies as pansexual, which means a person is not limited in their sexual choice by biological sex, gender or gender identity.

Cara said that despite accepting her attraction to both men and women, she describes her sexuality as ‘constantly changing.’

She added: ‘There is still a part of me where I’m like, ”Oh, I wish I could just be straight”.’There is still that side to it. It is really complicated.’  

Shocking: Cara, who identifies as pansexual, confessed her conservative upbringing contributed to her being 'quite homophobic' in her youth

Shocking: Cara, who identifies as pansexual, confessed her conservative upbringing contributed to her being ‘quite homophobic’ in her youth

In recent years Cara has dated stars including actresses Ashley Banson and Michelle Rodriguez and singer St Vincent.

Cara went onto discuss the beginning of her modelling career, telling Gwyneth that her original image as a ‘feminine’ woman became less compatible with her androgynous style and gender fluidity.

‘I was so unhappy and I wasn’t following my truth, especially in terms of being a model. That whole thing of having to fit into the box – I’m an androgynous person.

‘I love being a woman and dressing up and doing all that, but I also love being a rough and tumble ”man”.’

‘I feel so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.’

Upsetting: Cara added: 'I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that' (pictured with ex St Vincent)

Upsetting: Cara added: ‘I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that’ (pictured with ex St Vincent)

Views: Cara said that despite accepting her attraction to both men and women, she describes her sexuality as 'constantly changing' (pictured with Michelle Rodriguez)

Views: Cara said that despite accepting her attraction to both men and women, she describes her sexuality as ‘constantly changing’ (pictured with Michelle Rodriguez)

Cara previously spoke to Variety about realising her sexuality.

She said: ‘However one defines themselves, whether it’s ‘they’ or ‘he’ or ‘she,’ I fall in love with the person – and that’s that. I’m attracted to the person.’

She also said she was ‘deeply unhappy and depressed’ in her teenage years as she struggled to come out in an ‘old fashioned, repressed English family’. ‘I just didn’t want to admit who I was,’ she said.

Challenges: Cara went onto discuss the beginning of her modelling career and how her image as a 'feminine' woman became less compatible with her androgynous style and gender fluidity

Challenges: Cara went onto discuss the beginning of her modelling career and how her image as a ‘feminine’ woman became less compatible with her androgynous style and gender fluidity

Cara, who had previously been linked with Jake Bugg and Harry Styles, had a relationship with Pretty Little Liars actress Ashley Benson for nearly two years.

The couple split in May 2020 after their relationship had ‘run its course’ and Ashley has since been spotted with new beau 31-year-old rapper G-Eazy.

Cara has not spoken about the break-up, but admitted: ‘I’ve always felt bad for anyone I’ve ever been in a relationship with. It’s very hard to maintain the normality in it.

‘I think it’s why I tend to keep my private life a lot more private now, because that public thing can actually ruin a lot of things.’

They first sparked dating rumours in August 2018 when they were spotted kissing in London’s Heathrow Airport.

Over: The model split from actress Ashley in May 2020 after two years together, with sources stating at the time the relationship had 'run its course'

Over: The model split from actress Ashley in May 2020 after two years together, with sources stating at the time the relationship had ‘run its course’



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